Well we've seen the side of Christmas that is a paganised celebration of materialism, training the next generation in the mystical magic of spoilt brattiness...
It is odd to me that my perfectly reasonable demands on my gift wishlist, neatly penned onto scented and flower-bordered paper, given to my parents (exactly a month beforehand) was entirely left unmet.
I must, as tradition so calls for, lament my losses appropriately to the empty abyss that is the online world where I expect a full stream of sympathy from both friends and strangers alike - Let us stand together in a true Christmas spirit of selfishness.
Following is a list of things that I (again) did not receive for Christmas -and have hence forwarded to the Christmas 2015 list.
- Silk Yoda onesie
- 500 pack of fireworks
- Solar-powered hairdryer
- Pen with a strap so that you can hang it around your neck
- Glow-in-the-dark nail polish
- Butterbeer
- An Amazing New Skill (or Talent)
- An emergency yield roadside triangle like Kim Kardashian's
- Hat made out of toilet paper
- Hello Kitty themed yacht
- Set of crutches with matching moonboot
- Fake ninja throwing stars
- An orrery
- Glasses that let you see into the future
- Vanilla lipbalm
- Guitar Hero that you can install in your car and play while driving
I have hope that the second half of my life will make up for my annual disappointments. I have a lifeplan of breeding enough children and paying them enough monthly allowance for them to save up and buy me everything on the wishlist. Hope you also had good backup plans for your unmet requests.
I'l start working on the hat right-away.
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